I’ve got a new thing going for 2018. It’s a to do list, but I’m only allowed to add one item.
It forces me to pick one thing that is most important. Friday, the one item was to put my name in the hat to speak at Denver Moth, a live storytelling event. The theme for the evening was “Ambition.”
I had practiced a few times, but the day was frustrating. Tension at work, running late to dinner, not feeling as practiced as I wanted to be. I didn’t want to put my name in.
But it was the only thing I was supposed to do that day. So I did.
I told the story of how I got my first job. So many people afterwards came to ask me about it. People were inspired. And I almost didn’t do it, because I had a bad day.
You have to take risks. You have to tell your story. Even when you don’t necessarily feel like it.
I’ve gone over the keys to a solid introduction. This is all about what a great introduction actually looks, sounds, and smells like.
Look sharp and smell decent
I will start with the (hopefully) obvious. You need to smell decent if you want to have any chance whatsoever of making a good impression. There is no way that anyone will listen to you if they can’t get past smelling you; and there’s no way that you can feel confident if you are worried about your hygiene.
Likewise, use your wardrobe, accessories, makeup, and grooming as a way to communicate visually about who you are. Develop a style. Preferably, develop a style that is easy to maintain. Wear clothes that are comfortable that you won’t fidget with the entire time you are holding a conversation.
Channel your inner circus performer
I love the book “How to Talk to Anyone” by Leil Lowndes– while the chatty tone can get a bit grating, the advice is practical and easy to implement. Also, whenever I’ve experimented with it, it’s been effective.
One tip Lowndes offers is to stand straight, and she recommends doing it circus performer style. She writes that every time you go through a door, you pretend that there is a harness with a bit that you will hang from. Throw your shoulders back, pretend to clench the bit with your teeth, and stand up straight. Instant good posture, which helps you feel more confident.
Slow down, and repeat yourself
I went to a wonderful networking class with Alyce Blum, a coach and consultant and networking extraordinaire. She started off the class by asking everyone to slow down when they introduce themselves. There were nine people in the class. Everyone still rushed through their introductions. As the person listening, I found that I wasn’t retaining much.
Compare that with my friend Wayne, who served as a Peace Corps volunteer with me. People learned Wayne’s name quickly, because he would always speak slowly. “I’m Wayne,” he would say slowly and pause. “Wayne from Maine.”
It was brilliant. The rhyme helped people remember. It also helped that he repeated his name twice. And above all, he said it slowly and paused so that the person he was introducing himself to could fully get it and make a mental note.
I don’t have a rhyme for my name, but what I am working on is slowly and clearly saying my first name, and then repeating it with my last name. My name is Kim, Kim Brokling.
You can take this up another level by putting the emphasis on your name in the correct place, as per Laura Sicola.
If you focus on making sure your basic hygiene is in place, become comfortable with your own sense of style, channel your inner circus performer with straight posture, and slow down and properly emphasize your name, you will make a better impression when you introduce yourself and you will make your introduction a more pleasant experience for whoever you are introducing yourself to.
Have you ever met someone new (particularly at a networking event) and left the interaction feeling bored out of your mind? Me too. Even worse, I’ve come out of these exchanges feeling like I was the boring one. Ouch.
I’ve gotten a little bit better with time, because of trial and error and a voracious appetite for books.
Introduction Rule #1: Be Vulnerable
If you give boring introductions, you will make boring friends.
If you don’t take risks, you won’t reap rewards. You need friends, business associates, lovers, clients, service people. And you need them to be your people. You need to have things in common to start to build relationships.
The best way to find common ground is to be vulnerable, and share something interesting. If the person you are introducing yourself to thinks you are crazy, then you’ve lost 5 minutes of awkward conversation. If the other person gets you, then you’ve gained someone who can actually mean something to your life. But you have to start by opening yourself up.
Introduction Rule # 2: Give- a- shit
I used to take people from the company I was working at to lunch, in an effort to get to know them, figure out their challenges, and to foster relationships. For the most part, it was a great deal of fun. There was one notable exception- a woman who had no drive, ambition, or hobbies that I could discern.
“What are you excited about in your life?” I asked. “Oh, I’m just trying to get through the day,” she responded. I asked how she spent her time. Mostly watching tv she responded, not even mustering up enough enthusiasm to name or describe her favorite show. Every question was met with apathy, and zero return questions. It was the longest lunch of my life.
Enthusiasm is key to great introductions. Be interested in the things that you do, whether they are for work or for play. Have something unique to say. Cultivate unique viewpoints. When someone asks you how you spend your time, be specific so that there is some conversational bit they can grab onto and discuss with you. You have to show that you are capable of caring and being interested before anyone will want to spend time with you. You have to give a shit.
Introduction Rule # 3: If Possible, Do Your Homework
I use plain old pen and paper to followup with the people I meet.
Nothing will help you find common ground with another human being faster than doing a little research ahead of time to find out what you might have in common. Nothing helps you solidify a new relationship quite like doing a little bit of follow-up afterward. And nothing helps you meet the right people quite like having a list of who those “right” people might be for you.
When you have a direct meeting with a new person, check for them on social media, google their companies, and ask around to other people you know in common. For events where you aren’t sure who you will meet, see if you can get a list. At a minimum, know who is likely to attend that type of event, and be able to speak their professional language.
For followup, the important thing is to have a system. Mine is decidedly low tech- I write their names and contact details in my trusty red notebook. I also note if I said that I would do anything for them, because then I will actually remember to do it. I try to followup the same night, but my fail-safe is that on Tuesday mornings I read through my notebook to see if there’s anything I’ve forgotten.
Making your list of people you want to meet is fairly subjective. Think about people who could help you in your career, what types of companies they work for or job titles they have, and keep your eyes open.
Go Deeper- Further Resources for Introducing Yourself
