Have you ever met someone new (particularly at a networking event) and left the interaction feeling bored out of your mind? Me too. Even worse, I’ve come out of these exchanges feeling like I was the boring one. Ouch.
I’ve gotten a little bit better with time, because of trial and error and a voracious appetite for books.
Introduction Rule #1: Be Vulnerable
If you give boring introductions, you will make boring friends.
If you don’t take risks, you won’t reap rewards. You need friends, business associates, lovers, clients, service people. And you need them to be your people. You need to have things in common to start to build relationships.
The best way to find common ground is to be vulnerable, and share something interesting. If the person you are introducing yourself to thinks you are crazy, then you’ve lost 5 minutes of awkward conversation. If the other person gets you, then you’ve gained someone who can actually mean something to your life. But you have to start by opening yourself up.
Introduction Rule # 2: Give- a- shit
I used to take people from the company I was working at to lunch, in an effort to get to know them, figure out their challenges, and to foster relationships. For the most part, it was a great deal of fun. There was one notable exception- a woman who had no drive, ambition, or hobbies that I could discern.
“What are you excited about in your life?” I asked. “Oh, I’m just trying to get through the day,” she responded. I asked how she spent her time. Mostly watching tv she responded, not even mustering up enough enthusiasm to name or describe her favorite show. Every question was met with apathy, and zero return questions. It was the longest lunch of my life.
Enthusiasm is key to great introductions. Be interested in the things that you do, whether they are for work or for play. Have something unique to say. Cultivate unique viewpoints. When someone asks you how you spend your time, be specific so that there is some conversational bit they can grab onto and discuss with you. You have to show that you are capable of caring and being interested before anyone will want to spend time with you. You have to give a shit.
Introduction Rule # 3: If Possible, Do Your Homework
Nothing will help you find common ground with another human being faster than doing a little research ahead of time to find out what you might have in common. Nothing helps you solidify a new relationship quite like doing a little bit of follow-up afterward. And nothing helps you meet the right people quite like having a list of who those “right” people might be for you.
When you have a direct meeting with a new person, check for them on social media, google their companies, and ask around to other people you know in common. For events where you aren’t sure who you will meet, see if you can get a list. At a minimum, know who is likely to attend that type of event, and be able to speak their professional language.
For followup, the important thing is to have a system. Mine is decidedly low tech- I write their names and contact details in my trusty red notebook. I also note if I said that I would do anything for them, because then I will actually remember to do it. I try to followup the same night, but my fail-safe is that on Tuesday mornings I read through my notebook to see if there’s anything I’ve forgotten.
Making your list of people you want to meet is fairly subjective. Think about people who could help you in your career, what types of companies they work for or job titles they have, and keep your eyes open.
Go Deeper- Further Resources for Introducing Yourself
Kevin Bahler- How to Introduce Yourself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1xt7zgnuK0
If you give boring introductions, you will get boring friends.
Keith Ferrazi – Never Eat Alone
http://www.tatteredcover.com/book/9780385512053
A great overall primer on networking, with some helpful tips for introductions.
Alyce Blum- How to Improve Your Elevator Pitch
https://www.alyceblum.com/bloginspiration/2015/3/2/3-basic-steps-to-improve-your-elevator-pitch
Alyce is a networking coach, and this blog goes into detail about how to answer when someone asks “What do you do?”